Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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