Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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