I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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