I met the friendliest cop last night
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
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