Grow some girl-balls and come out already
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
