can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
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