Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Duck Duck Cougar?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Randomize
