You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Randomize
