how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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