Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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