It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
