Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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