break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
