He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
My cat gives me a boner
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
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