If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize