So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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