im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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