So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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