tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
