1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
