I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
