when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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