he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
