using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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