in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
