She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
