Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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