Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
