My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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