where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
