is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
