hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
