Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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