I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
