I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
