is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
