I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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