i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
