Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
