we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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