I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Can't talk, ducks in the car
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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