you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
