It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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