i just sent this text using only my big toe
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
