I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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