mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
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