I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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