apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
