If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
