no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
