Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
