A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize