A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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