Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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