dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
