Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
i need some magic done to my vagina
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
