I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
