we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
