Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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