Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
