Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
