Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
