I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
