Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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