getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
