how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
