shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
