saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
