What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
