i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
