He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
