If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
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