I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
