I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
