So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
sex in a hospital.. check
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
