so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
