never play flip cup with pint glasses
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Randomize
