Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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