Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
