What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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