throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
