yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
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the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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