I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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