Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Randomize
